Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Chapter 2 in the Dolphin Poo saga

The kid dictated the second chapter of our Dolphin Poo book. She's one wacky kidlet.

One day Sparkles decided to go on an adventure. So, she decided to go to Sweetland. Sparkles took the stuff she needed and went to the bathroom before she started on her adventure. When Sparkles had finally started her adventure she met a very pretty butterfly. She went to get something to eat before she continued her adventure. She stopped at her favourite restaurant and got some fish to eat. And then she continued. She went to the dolphins boat stop. And got one of her favourite boats to borrow for her adventure.  She drove her boat. When she had finally got to Sweetland she went to one of Sweetland’s restaurants and she got something different to eat. She’d never had this before. The thing she had to eat was a sandwich! She went for a swim before she had some fun at Sweetland. She went to one of Sweetland’s shops and bought some pretty decorations for her house.

When she got home she went back to the boat stop to give back the boat. Sparkles went to a treat shop when she got home again. She had some fun with her dolphin friends. The game they played was Dolphin Pass. They played music and when the music stopped. The dolphin that was holding the potato had to spin around three times in circles, up and down and through the square. And they played a different game – Note. To play Note they passed around a note. The dolphin at the end of the line got to read the note and then the dolphin had to swim away to get ready for the next game. And then they kept passing the notes and when they were finally all out of the notes they played the next game called Island. They went to the boat stop they got one boat for each of them. They had to race through the seaweed square and up three times and the first dolphin to get back to the game stop won a dolphin trophy. The dolphin trophy was a statue of a dolphin circling inside a seaweed square.

Monday, November 29, 2010

Temper Tantrum

We've been having a difficult couple of weeks. Off and on. The kid is exerting her independence. This has resulted in some highly entertaining moments - although it can be really hard to keep a straight face.

For example...

Kid was having a fit about having to go to bed. I know! I am totally unreasonable. Telling her she HAS to go the bed. What nerve! But I digress...

Kid is in her room complaining. Suddenly stops and starts crying. But not I really hurt myself cries. More of an "ouch, I'm mad at myself because I am a fool" cry.
Me: "Did you hurt yourself?"

Kid:"Yes, I did it on purpose. I just didn't know it would hurt so much."

Kid continues to weep and wail. Mommy shakes her head and walks away so she can laugh without a witness.

Sunday, November 28, 2010

Knick Knack Paddy Wack

Last February the kid went through a phases where she was making up nicknames. So, her friend Olivia became Live. Zachary became Zachy. Morgan became Morg.

The kid has a favourite stuffed animal. She named it Horsey when she was two or three. 

We had to put a stop to all the nicknames when kid started talking about her special friend - (w)"hore".

Ah the things we do to avoid a visit from CPS.

Saturday, November 27, 2010

Ah, kids...

I walk down the stairs leading to either the basement or the bathroom.

Kid: Why are you going downstairs?

Me: Because I'm not allowed to pee in the family room

Kid: Ah.

Some days I am just too blunt. But can you blame me? It's hard to have a small person monitoring your every move.


Friday, November 26, 2010

Happy Birthday!

Today is my husband's birthday! He's 33 today!

Yup, I totally robbed the cradle. He's a whole 19 days younger than me. And I don't care!

It's so funny that all three of us have our birthdays within weeks of each other. And yet we all have different signs! How awesome is that!

Kid was supposed to be born on November 27. When hubby found out our due date he suggested that in the future we should take the whole month of November off work to celebrate (we each get four weeks of vacation each year). I don't think he was really serious but her early birth put an end to that plan.

Thursday, November 25, 2010

Writing stories

The kid likes us to make up stories for her at bedtime. I came up with the initial plot of the following story when we were in Texas in March. Barbie in a Mermaid Tale had just been released and she had already watched it countless times. We've since modified the story a bit (a joint Mommy-Daughter project). And this is the first chapter...
Once upon a time, there was a beautiful pink dolphin named Sparkles. She lived off the coast of Bermuda with all her dolphin friends. She had great fun each day, doing the things that dolphins do – chasing fish, teasing sea turtles and playing with her friends. Life was pretty good. If a little uncomfortable.
The only annoying thing about Sparkles’ life was when it was time to go to the bathroom. Instead of the green poop all her friends produced – Sparkles’ poop was kind of clear and sparkly and hard instead of soft. It hurt a bit but at least it was prettier than everyone else’s poo. In fact, her glittery, sparkly poop inspired her name.
Sparkles and her friends didn’t see many humans. But one day, a couple of divers came out to explore the coral where Sparkles spent most of her time playing. Sparkles and her friends teased them a bit and tried to get the divers to play games. But the divers had noticed some of Sparkles poop and were more interested in it than a bunch of playful dolphins. Sparkles thought that was really weird. Why would the humans want to play with poo? Isn’t that a little gross?

The divers picked up some of the poo and brought it up to their boat. Sparkles and her friends followed them up to see why they had picked up Sparkles’ poo.

The divers were very, very excited! They kept exclaiming, “Diamonds! We found diamonds!” to each other. The one in the red suit told his friend, “We must have stumbled on a shipwreck! We have to see more!”

The dolphins laughed at the stupid humans. Confusing shipwreck treasure with Sparkles poop – what morons. No wonder humans are considered one of the stupidest land creatures.
The divers came back the next day with a little more equipment. Sparkles and her friends followed them around. The other dolphins urged her to poop near the divers to see if it would get them all excited. The humans were thrilled to find another pile of poo. The dolphins laughed and laughed. They urged Sparkles to poop on the divers’ heads. She thought that wasn’t very nice but her friends eventually convinced her to do it. So she did.

The diver in the blue suit was shocked when he was hit on the head by a diamond! He and the other diver met back in the boat. “One of those dolphins must have flung it at you.” The diver in the blue suit insisted. “Dolphins love to play.”

Sparkles and her friends decided to really mess with the divers and show them exactly what they were dealing with. Sparkles swam between the two men and got their attention. As they were watching she made a big poo. The diver’s eyes got really big behind their masks and they reached out to grab it. Sparkles and her friends howled with laughter. “Stupid humans! They love poo!”

But to the human it wasn't poo it was diamonds. And diamonds are so pretty and worth so much money. So the human started following Sparkles around picking up the dolphin's poo because it was diamonds.

This went on for several days. The dolphins were starting to get a little annoyed. Sparkles didn’t really mind because they kept bringing her food. But they weren’t feeding the other dolphins which frustrated her friends. She tried to share but the divers got annoyed and tried to stop her. And each morning the men would come and pick up all the diamond droppings. After a few weeks, the divers finally realized it was better to feed all the dolphins then deal with Sparkles’ friends harassing them to get food. Things were good for the dolphins.

But as we all know, things can’t be great forever. The dolphins were surprised one day when the men came with a weird contraption. They urged Sparkly to enter it by placing tasty treats in it. She went in. But she couldn’t get out! It turned out that the contraption was a cage!
 And of course we have written more. Actually the next chapters were dictated to me by the kid. But I'll save those for another day.

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

I am not a cheater. Right?

I told hubby about my blog a couple of weeks ago. He thinks I'm cheating because I don't actually blog every day. I binge blog and then schedule my posts so that I have a post each day. There isn't anything wrong with that, is there? If you think I need to live post (even though that will mean it doesn't happen every day) speak now or forever hold your peace.

And just think, if I get hit by a bus tomorrow, I'll still have several scheduled posts appear.

Actually written at about 9:30 pm on Tuesday, November 24, 2010.

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

My Favourite TV Shows

Just because I am random and weird like that. Here's a list of my favourite shows! Thank goodness for the DVR or I'd never watch anything. They're listed in a pretty random order.

How I met your Mother - Neil Patrick Harris and Alyson Hannigan! How could it not be legendary!
Better with you - mindless but good background noise when playing on the computer
Outsourced - Makes me laugh so much!
Greek - I mainly watch it on my ipod. I think I'm a season behind. But it is fun.
Modern Family
Hawaii 5-0 - my cop drama
Mad Men - great writing. Working my way through season 2 now.
Raising Hope - funniest. show. this season.
I didn't know I was pregnant! - super duper funny!
The Good Guys - its a very funny cop show
Hellcats - like Greek but with cheerleaders
Mike and Molly - funny but I hate the Mom and sister. Too crude
No Ordinary Family - interesting.
Parenthood - great ensemble

Cancelled
Veronica Mars - guess it was too smart
Dollhouse - really wanted to see where they were going to go with this
Better off Ted - super funny
Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip - really interesting characters

Can you tell I don't like reality television?

Monday, November 22, 2010

Love Notes


That was the note I found on the kitchen counter when I got home. It seems that the Kid had decided that her lunch box needed to be cleaned. Instead of just asking she wrote me a note. Hubby picked her up from school today and thinks it smelt more like pickles (part of today's lunch) than poo. Either way, it is the washing machine and I am saving this note for her wedding. Or whenever I need to embarrass the Kid when she is older than 6.

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Pure Evil!

We have two cats. The oldest cat is the devil. Her name is Trinity and she hates people. She loves the three of us but everyone else should die according to her. As soon as someone steps into our house, she starts growling. It's kind of scary.

My girlfriend is especially scared of Trinity because one night she babysat for us and locked Trinity upstairs in our bedroom. Before she knew it, the cat was standing next to her growling. When I came home that night, I discovered that my girlfriend had used the baby gates to build a wall between her and the cat. Have I mentioned that the cat can jump? We also had to come home early once because the 14-year-old babysitter was scared of the cat. Trinity was stalking her.

Trinity like to go outside and stare down the neighbours. She also requires heavy sedation at the vet. They won't give her shots unless she is out cold. But she is really nice to Hubby, Kid and me. Well, asides from those occasions when she would pee on things because she was pissed that we wouldn't let her outside. That seriously sucked!

But we still love our evil, ridiculously mean cat. And she loves the three of us. As long as we let her outside.

Saturday, November 20, 2010

Losing my mind!

A couple of years ago we hired someone to clean our house for us every two weeks. It was bliss!

And then I misplaced our underwater camera. I had just bought it and I knew I had brought it back from Texas. I was pretty sure I remembered putting it on the kitchen table. But I couldn't find it anywhere! And of course, I realized this right after the house had been cleaned.

I called the agency to see if they had put it away. All I got was a big long lecture on how one of their employees couldn't and wouldn't have stolen it.

Um, didn't accuse. Didn't even think that until you started denying, denying, denying. I ended up cancelling the service because I didn't like the customer service from the owners/managers/whatever.

But I digress. I found the camera two months later. It was inside of the box that my husband keeps his wallet in. How we missed it I do not know. The only reason I found it was because I dropped a pill in the box and emptied it out. TADA. At least now I know the safest place to put stuff!

Friday, November 19, 2010

I love books

I like to read! Scratch that. I love to read!

I thought that I wouldn't get as much time to read after the kid was born. But that was not the case. I can still read a book every day or two. 

Here's a list of my some of my favourite authors. You may notice that I am fond of English and Irish authors. I`m not going to list them all right now. Let`s call this "part one".


Catherine Alliott - I enjoy these books especially Rosie Meadows Regrets and The Old-Girl Network. Her books are funny and a bit romantic.

Lousie Bagshawe - Ms. Bagshawe writes great chick lit. All about the rich and famous. Very fun and a very easy read. Her characters are fabulously developed. Tall Poppies is one of my favourites. But they are all good.
Tilly Bagshawe - Ms. Bagshawe has written both chick lit and thrillers. I prefer the chick lit. Although there are some thrilling bits. Read Flawless or Do Not Disturb.
Maeve Binchy - A lot of Ms. Binchy's books have been set in the past - 1950s and 1960s. Generally they are set in Ireland. Her more recent books have been set in contemporary time. I like how those books have a bit of an overlap in terms of characters. She's developed her own version of Dublin. I do prefer the older novels like Light a Penny Candle though. But I love everything she has written.
Colette Caddle - She's a bit hit or miss but I usually like her books. I can recommend and Shaken and StirredForever FM. None of her books are bad. I just like some more than others. I just can't remember which ones I didn't love.
Katie Fforde - I discovered this author on the discount rack at Chapters. It's hard to find her books in print but I've been slowly collecting them. Having a Kindle helps since her most recent books can be bought from Amazon. She's not a very popular author here in Canada but she should be. Love Letters was a great novel but all of her books are good. You can sometimes find them in the library.
Emily Giffin - Ms. Giffin is an American author. You've probably already seen her novels on the bestseller lists. Something Borrowed and Something Blue tell the same story (sort of) from the perspective of two different characters. Great idea! 
Olivia Goldsmith - Sadly Ms. Goldsmith died a few years ago during elective surgery. She wrote The First Wives Club - which was way better than the film adaptation!I don't love the books that were published after her death. They don't have quite the same feel to them. But the others are pretty good. Especially Flavor of the Month - didn't see that ending coming!
Jane Green - Ms. Green is a British author who is based in the United States. According to wikipedia she was one of the founders of the Chick Lit genre. I've enjoyed all her books.
Beth Harbison - Ms.  Harbison wrote Shoe Addicts Anonymous, Secrets of a Shoe Addict, Hope in a Jar and Thin, Rich, Pretty. I prefer her first three novels.
Melissa Hill - Ms. Hill is a new find of mine. She's not so popular over here in Canada so I've only been able to read two of her books - and one I could only find online. Before I Forget was the first book of hers I read. I have also read Please Forgive Me. I prefer Before I Forget. It was a little twisty. She has other titles published but they're unavailable right now.
Wendy Holden - These books are hilarious. There is a recurring character who seems a little Paris Hilton. They're all good.
Erica James - I haven't been able to find all of Ms. James' books yet. But what I've read has been great. It's the Little Things is a bit about the 2004 Tsunami.  If you're lucky you might be able to get a a collection of Three Great Novels by Erica James. Three books for about $10. Awesome deal!
Cathy Kelly - I love Cathy Kelly's books! They're a bit like Maeve Binchy's. So good! But that is Just Between Us.
Marian Keyes - Ms. Keyes is one of my favourite authors. I didn't love her last two books but the others have been great. I recommend Sushi for Beginners as a starting point. 
Judith Krantz - Ms. Krantz is a romatic American author who was writing Chick Lit before it had been created. I've enjoyed each book starting with her first - Scruples (published in 1978) to her latest - The Jewels of Tessa Kent (published in 1998). I don't think she's going to write any more novels. 
Carole Matthews - She turns out books almost as quickly as Danielle Steel. Luckily Ms. Matthew's books are far superior. They're an easy, entertaining read but it doesn't seem like she's just phoned in the story. I really liked Welcome to the Real World.
Fiona O'Brien - I really enjoyed No Reservations. She has other books but it is hard to find them on this side of the pond.
 Shelia O'Flanagan -  Her books are silly and romantic but perfect when you don't want to think too much. A great way to relax before bed. I recommend Caroline's Sister.

Thursday, November 18, 2010

My little helper!


I have an awesome job! They're flexible and understanding about the need to juggle family and work. And sometimes stuff happens. And instead of having to rush to the office to fix it, I can do it remotely. Very helpful when dealing with a website. Especially one that sometimes likes to tell me who's boss and crash spontaneously. 
Kid is playing Barbies in the same room. I decide to check to make sure the website hasn't crashed again. It had.

Me:  "*&@#"
Kid: "I can fix it!"
Me: "Really? You can fix work's website which crashed AGAIN!?"
Kid: "Oh. I can let the cat out."
I love that the kid usually tries her best to help us out. She often can't really do anything but she gets an A for effort!

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Technically accurate advertising

This summer we went to Bermuda. We decided to rent a cottage instead of staying in a hotel. That way we'd have more room (separate bedrooms and two bathrooms) for the same amount and get to use the ferry system. I looked around before finally settling on a place. It was gorgeous and perfect for us. They even offered free wifi! 

After we got settled I talked to the owner and asked about a wifi code. That's when I discovered that "free wifi" actually meant "if you stand in a couple of spots on the property you can steal wifi from the neighbours."

Technically, I suppose the advertising was free. And least it meant that we didn't spend any time surfing the web.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Do I look that stupid?

We tucked the kid in and kissed her good night.

"Now don't come upstairs again until it is your bedtime." she called out to us.

Right, because we are morons and don't know that you are going to proceed to screw around and play games and stuff instead of going to sleep. I think she really believes that by telling us not to go upstairs we'll ignore all the strange noises going on upstairs.

It's cute. But very wrong. Here comes Monster Mummy.

Monday, November 15, 2010

Dramatically ill

The kid hopped into bed with us on Sunday morning for a cuddle. She explained that she was coming for a snuggle because she felt sick and was afraid she might throw up. She seemed fine to me and I was tired so I ignored her.

After about 10 minutes of the kid trying to occupy as much of our bed as possible she announced that she was going to go downstairs for some breakfast and then come right back up (after eating). I suggested she watch one of her Barbie movies.

"Great idea!" she exclaimed, "That always makes me feel better! I also have a headache - I have a combo-sickness!"

Thankfully she was already halfway down the stairs so she didn't hear hubby and I laugh about her "combo-sickness". Incidentally, there was no vomiting or further talk of a headache yesterday.

Sunday, November 14, 2010

Gifted? Cursed?

Yesterday my dad gave me an interesting article from the Globe and Mail - ‘Gifted' – what is it good for? He's pretty sure that the kid is brilliant and will cause hubby and I all kinds of trouble in the future.

He may be right.

She is pretty darn smart - sometimes. Her vocabulary is impressive and she reads at a level that far exceeds her grade level. She's picked up addition, subtraction and a bit of multiplication and division without too much trouble.

But she can also be a complete idiot. Seriously! Come on. We all know that no matter how brilliant our kids are they can also be complete morons. For instance, she can't seem to grasp the fact that running down the stairs is stupid. Does she have to break her leg before that gets through to her. And maybe it isn't the best idea to run around in front of the mean, nasty cat who likes to hit. She walks into walls. Forgets how to write a word like "happy" after at least a year of being able to spell it correctly. And countless other things that make me wonder how she'll cope in the real world.

Let's face it. We all make mistakes. Nobody is perfect. And we shouldn't expect anyone to be. We're going to try our best to place reasonable expectations on the kid. After all, we want people to continue telling us that she's the happiest kid they've ever seen!

And frankly, all I want is for her to be happy.

Saturday, November 13, 2010

Totally Random

I went to tuck the kid in for bed the other night. Random words just came out of her mouth.

"cocktail, drink, big bash"

Really. I don't think I will ever understand the way her mind works. Have I mentioned that I drink maybe five or six alcoholic beverages a year? And her dad is not supposed to drink because of all the medications he is on? Where does she get it?

Thursday, November 11, 2010

When I grow up!

The kid has it all figured out.

When she grows up she is going to be a fashion designer. Thank you Barbie: A Fashion Fairy Tale for giving her that idea! But she is realistic. She may not like being a fashion designer. So, her backup plan #1 is... a chef. She will be a famous chef with her own awesome restaurant if fashion design doesn't work out.

It kind of scares me because she thinks that jam and mustard are a good combination. And she wants me to eat dinner in her restaurant every. single. night. Bring on the Tums!

Luckily she has a second backup plan. You know, in case fashion deisgn and cooking don't work out. If that happens she is totally going to be a... rock star! Yes! Just like Hannah Montana.

At least she is only six. We have a few more years to convince her that she should start with being a rock star and then try the other stuff if that doesn't work out!

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Stupid Cheaters!

We went to an indoor playground on Sunday. It's one of those places with slides and various video games where you can win tickets for prizes. Heaven for kids. And for dumbass parents that want their kids to grow up to be criminals.

We were sitting on a couch by the skiball and basketball game. We watched numerous parents allow their kids to walk up the skiball ramp and drop the balls in the holes. Yes. The parents even handed the kids the balls and told them "good job." Really? Really? That's how you want to raise your kids?

We also saw them stick their kids up on the ledge of the basketball game so that the kids could always get the basket.

Wow! I just shook my head and my girlfriend and I loudly discussed how wrong the rampant cheating was. But nobody stopped.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Liar, liar

Kid has been experimenting with lying lately.

Oh joy!

So far it has just been limited to tooth brushing. Bearing in mind that because she was premature she has weak tooth enamel and has already had several cavities as a result. She knows that cavities are not fun. So why the lying?

Incident #1
I send her upstairs to brush her teeth and get ready for bed. She knows that she has to brush her teeth for the length of time it takes for her Barbie to sing 4 songs. Yeah, that's how we monitor the 2 minutes. Hubby decided to spook the kid, so he hid behind the door in the bathroom. He waited and waited. Then he heard Barbie singing from her room. He asked if she had brushed her teeth. She said yes. Caught red handed.

Incident #2
Two nights later. We had just gotten back from a night at Great Wolf Lodge. I hadn't unpacked everything. Finally got around to it and stuck her toothbrush in her bathroom. Told her to brush her teeth. "I already did." she told me. I looked at her and asked her "How?" she said "I just did." "But how exactly?" I replied. Finally I pointed out that I had JUST unpacked her toothbrush so there was NO WAY IN THE WORLD she could have already brushed them. She tried to pass it off as a Halloween prank.

Hubby caught her in another lie related to toothbrushing today. I don't know the specifics but... ARGH!!!!

Monday, November 8, 2010

Snip, snip, snip

So at yesterday's playdate, Kid's little buddy, T, came and told us, "you don't want to go upstairs. She's doing something not good." Needless to say, Hubby was in her room before you could say, "Seriously?"

He quickly discovered that our budding fashion designer had used her assortment of decorative scissors to trim chunks of fabric off her stuffed fairies sewn on dresses. Now they look like super trashy hookers. Before they were just kind of slutty. And of course these are the fairy dolls that hubby insisted we spend $100 to buy her at Disney world 18-months ago. She NEEDED the full set.

Are you shocked to hear that we took all the fairy dolls away from her and the scissors for an, as of yet, undefined period of time. She told us that a few other stuffed animals received trims but we haven't figured out which ones those are yet. Mama wil be going a big garbage bag clean-up. Don't worry, the good stuff will go to charity. We mostly follow the 3 Rs of Reduce, Recycle and Reuse.

Is it wrong that I wish she's just cut a bit of her hair off? At least that grows back!

Sunday, November 7, 2010

33 today!

Today is my birthday!

My family let me sleep in and then they gave me two necklaces that the kid had picked up. She insisted they shop at Wal-Mart. That's just how she rolls.

The we saw Megamind with our friends. Fun movie but really, why did they have to say something about the tooth fairy and the Easter bunny not existing. Really? Thanks for that Mr. Family Movie Guy. I think the kids missed that part. And at least they didn't touch on Christmas. Hollywood Bastards.

We then had a nice playdate. I'll write about that another day! And then we went to an All-You-Can-Eat Sushi restaurant. SO DELICIOUS!

And even better, we gained an hour! I love Fall Backwards. HATE Spring Forward though!

Whatever, Happy Birthday to me! I live in a zoo! I smell like a monkey and I look like one too!

Thursday, November 4, 2010

24 hours of Scrapbooking

Remind me again, why this is a good idea? Oh right, it's for charity and gives me a chance to get out an hang out with the girls while scrapbooking. All things I love to do.

I just hate the prep work. And lugging my craft room out to the car. And then bringing it back in!

But those 24-hours will make it all worth it!

Mouthpiece

Kid talks a lot. And by a lot I mean she also talks when she sleeps. It's pretty much none stop. During one of her nonstop babbles this weekend she informed us that her new nickname could be Mouthpiece. Yup, that's what our 6-year-old thinks her new name should be. It goes along with Snugglebutt, Stinky pants, etc...